The other day I hid in the back seat of a car in ridiculous heat. In a hot pink shirt reading “Warwick is the new black,” I rolled behind said car like a freaking soldier, hid behind a bush, jumped from bush to bush…obviously camouflaged behind each (because bush’s are clearly hot pink)…proceeded to pee behind one of the bushes, reversed the entire mission, got back in the backseat of the car, and continued to melt.
Why is my life not a television show? The best part of the entire thing was when I couldn’t stop laughing…by myself…in the back of a car.
On a more spiritual-awakening-esque note, why is it that trains, buses, and planes always force me into this really intense state of contemplation? An east coast train or bus ride, my ipod, and me is sometimes the only cocktail of therapies that make me feel really comfortable with being alone. I feel comfortable with myself.
Today, I feel okay. Not like “just okay.” No, today I have this feeling that I’m okay…that everything is going to be okay. I don’t even know what’s wrong or what WASN’T okay…I just know that at this very moment, I feel like everything will work itself out in time. It’s kind of a spiritual thing. And by kind of… I mean very much so.
This trip has been nothing short of very interesting. It’s been incredible, really. Even the “bad” things have opened my eyes, have brought me closer to people with whom I never would’ve been close and have changed my outlook on a lot of things… For better or for worse.
Sometimes I go places or do things with the expectation of feeling a shift within myself. One day last week, I spent a day by myself roaming around New York City, getting acquainted, plotting my next big dream that would come about from a day in the Big Apple. I realized a week later though, waiting for a train back into the city, that one can’t just plan these things.
Something just shifted within me. I totally wasn’t ready for it. My gut, my heart of hearts, just spoke to me. For one moment, I just knew what I needed to do. Not right away. Not like…I had to pee. More like…well, more like exactly what I wanted out of leaving home for a few weeks. I wanted things to change when I got back. I think I just figured out what that looks like.
On a completely (but then again not COMPLETELY) unrelated note: I’m keeping kosher. I have no idea what has prompted me to reconnect with my Judaism. That previous statement may not be entirely true. I’m keeping kosher. I’m getting back to learning about Judaism. I’m going to read the bible, cover to cover. And I’m committing to Fair Trade coffee and recycling. Prior to these last few days, I knew myself as a Jew who associated more with a movement than with an organized religion. I know that doesn’t make tons of sense, considering the movement with which I’ve been associated is one that represents an organized religion. Nonetheless, I’ve been culturally Jewish. I really don’t know that keeping kosher, reading the bible, taking the Sabbath more literally, and recycling (totally unrelated) will connect me with Judaism, but I feel the need to start somewhere.
And lastly, just a touch of my list of “Things I’ve Grown to Like”: man capris, twizzlers, the rain, escalators, leggings, and the color orange. More to Come.
The real question is why you view “keeping kosher, reading the bible, taking the Sabbath more literally, and recycling” as “totally unrelated.”
Perhaps they are actually 100% related. Ponder that. Shabbat shalom.
Interesting that you think you need to “start” somewhere. That assumes that you’ve stopped, or that you’re not doing anything to begin with, which as far as I know is not the case.
What makes you think that you’re starting fresh and that you’re not just continuing to grow? Is it because it’s something Jewish? Are you reconnecting, or are you just connecting in a different way?
i.e. … Did you stop being Jewish at some point?
have I told you lately that you make me smile? I don’t know what you are going to do with your life – but I know whatever you decide to do, where ever life may take you, you, Jordyn Jacobs, are going to in your own way change the world.
xo
Jordyn, what’s going on? I’m worried about you.