“Shouldn’t it open this way?” The man in front of me questioned as he was handed the paper siddur, which opened left to right and whose cover read “Temple Solel Moonlight Beach Erev Shabbat Service.”
The usher replied, “Well, I guess they just assume you don’t know that…”
Once a year, my synagogue holds a Friday night service at Moonlight beach… The beach in Encinitas, CA where I go and sit when I need to think, when I need sun, when I need to pray in my own way. The plan was always for me to go to services last night. First, I asked my friend to go. Too tired. Next, I decided I’d go alone. Then of course, I slid back and forth between “should I go” and “I don’t feel like it.”
Earlier last night, I had a conversation on the phone with a friend. A friend who’s younger and who I’d called to check up on, but who, by the end of the conversation had me admiring him and his outlook on the situation at hand. I was impressed and inspired by this friend’s attitude. I hung up the phone as I pulled up at my mom’s house…walked straight in and to the computer, checked on something I had to see for myself, and from there…I felt a rush of energy. Now, I’m an E. An Extrovert on the MBTI. This means I get my energy from other people. What would you call it if I was to get my energy from conflict? See…that’s what happened. From what I read on that computer screen, it became apparent to me that liberal Judaism is at war, fighting for itself, and I am in the ranks of some seriously honorable soldiers.
So I looked up what time my synagogue had services, learned that it was that one Friday…that one Friday when services were at MY beach. I decided it was b’sheret. I had 20 minutes to get there.
So I went to erev shabbat services at the beach. My first thought: There will definitely be no question as to which way is East. Then…as I sat myself down directly on the sand (who needs chairs or blankets?), this exchange happened:
“Shouldn’t it open this way?” The man in front of me questioned.
And the reply: “Well, I guess they just assume you don’t know that…”
Why is it assumed that Reform Jews don’t know these things? Why can’t it be assumed that they DO know these things so as to force them to learn? The service was barely half an hour long and it didn’t matter which way east was because we never faced it. Rather than frustrated, however, I left this service more inspried, more energized, and more excited about the world of progressive Judaism and this turning point I feel is being approached.
I went grocery shopping. Yea, my first shabbat back at home post this internal shift to reconnect with my Judaism, I bought groceries. Kosher groceries. Very exciting. I’m taking things one small step at a time…but it’s on.
And now that all that is out there…Let’s move on to this morning: I met my dad for coffee. From there, it’s all really a blur of a very surreal experience. He asked how my trip was. I told him the truth…It was unbelieveable and never before have i felt such obvious and abundant shifts within soul. I told him I felt liberated and excited and energized while I was in DC, while I was at camp, while i wandered around New York City. And I told him that the second I got home, I was miserable. I knew I didn’t feel good about being in San Diego. I don’t feel comfortable in my apartment. I have no desire to go back to my job. And I’m not especially connected with any of my friends (that being the understatement of the year).
“So what would you WANT to do?” My dad asked.
“Move to Israel?” I answered quickly, but I thought he’d laugh. I thought it was a question he was asking to humor me.
But no…by the time I walked back to my car and finished my cup of coffee, I had, in writing, a signed agreement by my dad that he supports me (emotionally and financially) moving to Israel for the year within the next two months.
So…I’m moving to Israel. Research as to programs and options is still in the works, but the point, for now, is that I’m going. And I’m going soon. And it feels DAMN GOOD to smile like this again.
Shabbat Shalom… : )
From Order to Chaos... 
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